Identity is one of the most profound and complex aspects of human experience, shaping how we see ourselves, how we relate to others, and how we navigate the world.
But while it’s tempting to view identity as a fixed set of characteristics, transformative coaching invites us to see identity as a fluid, evolving construct—one that can be re-examined, reshaped, and expanded over time.
Of course, there are countless perspectives on the nature of identity, from fixed, genetic, and essentialist views to dynamic, context-dependent interpretations.
This article offers just one viewpoint: that identity is fluid and shaped by ongoing experiences, relationships, and inner work.
As transformative coaches, our role is not to impose a particular perspective on clients but to create space where they can explore and define their own beliefs around identity. What clients believe about their identity—whether they view it as static or adaptable—will influence how they engage with themselves and with change.
Our goal in transformative coaching is to help them explore those beliefs, understand whether they serve them, and, if desired, begin to reshape them.
Defining Identity as Fluid and Dynamic
In traditional views, identity is often seen as a stable set of qualities, roles, and values that define a person. But in transformative coaching, we can approach identity as flexible and adaptive—a construct that evolves as we encounter new experiences and insights.
A fluid identity is not bound by a single narrative but is a dynamic tapestry of past experiences, present awareness, and future possibilities.
For clients, this idea can be liberating, offering them permission to move beyond limiting definitions and see themselves as capable of change and growth.
As coaches, we don’t define identity for our clients.
Instead, we create a reflective space where clients can ask themselves essential questions: “Who am I outside of my roles?” “What aspects of my identity feel authentic?” and “What possibilities might I explore if I viewed my identity as flexible?”
The Role of Identity in Transformative Coaching
A client’s sense of identity can significantly impact their goals, behaviours, and overall sense of purpose.
Some clients may feel deeply attached to certain aspects of their identity, such as “I am a problem-solver” or “I’ve always been the caretaker.” While these beliefs can offer stability, they can also become restrictive, reinforcing patterns that limit new possibilities.
In transformative coaching, exploring identity means helping clients understand not only who they believe they are, but also where these beliefs come from and how they affect their lives. By examining these assumptions, clients can discern which aspects of their identity empower them and which ones may be holding them back.
A Personal Story of Giving Up Identities
This past year, I realised something unexpected about the identities I had been carrying with me—Nick the trekker and Nick the long-distance cyclist.
For years, I had convinced myself that I loved pushing through challenging landscapes, whether it was biking across Italy or trekking remote trails in Nepal. These labels had become integral to how I saw myself: as someone who thrived through endurance, who found fulfilment in the next summit or the next few hundred kilometres.
But as I pushed through a tough cycling journey across Italy last year, something shifted. I’d been pedalling through beautiful countryside, but every hill hit me in the gut! I wasn’t really enjoying it. Reaching Rome, I felt something inside me just let go. I posted my bike on Facebook Marketplace, sold it, and took the train the rest of the way to Milan.
The decision felt liberating—as if I’d let go of a piece of armour I no longer needed. For the first time in years, I wasn’t bound by the expectation that I should be “the cyclist”. I could simply enjoy the journey on my terms.
The same thing happened when I returned to Nepal this year for my sixth major trek.
On the first day of trekking, with the familiar rigour of multi-week trekking stretching before me, I realised I didn’t want to go on. I knew what three weeks of gruelling conditions felt like, and I understood that Nick the trekker was no longer who I was. Leaving the trek felt surprisingly empowering.
These were just identities I had used to define myself, and while they had once brought me joy, they had become more limiting than liberating.
Letting go of these labels helped me see that I am not my hobbies, nor the challenges I used to take on to define myself.
I also wondered who I had really been doing these trips for all that time. Was it really me, or the social projection it represented? The line can be very fine.
Without those labels, I feel free to explore new parts of myself—not as Nick the trekker or Nick the cyclist, but as me.
Facilitating a Client-Centred Exploration
Since it’s the client’s beliefs that govern their experiences, our role as transformative coaches is to hold a non-judgmental space for identity exploration.
We can encourage clients to consider: “Does my current view of myself help me or limit me?” and “If I could redefine my identity, what would it include?”
To help clients delve into their sense of self, coaches can introduce exercises that prompt self-reflection. Encourage clients to reflect on questions like, “Who am I when I’m not fulfilling a particular role?” or “What aspects of my identity feel most authentic and true?” These reflections allow clients to disentangle themselves from labels and explore the broader scope of who they are.
Exploring Multiple Selves and Contextual Identities
Clients often embody different aspects of themselves depending on the context—such as parent, leader, or artist.
Exploring these different “selves” can reveal a fuller, richer view of identity, helping clients integrate seemingly disparate aspects into a cohesive self-concept.
For example, a client might feel torn between their professional and creative identities, seeing them as conflicting parts of themselves.
On one hand, they may identify as a dedicated professional, valuing structure, achievement, and recognition in their career. On the other, they may long to express a creative side, where they feel free, inspired, and connected to a different kind of purpose. Often, they struggle with a sense of self-judgement, wondering if pursuing one side diminishes the other or if they can truly succeed without choosing a singular path.
Through exploration in coaching, they come to see both identities as integral and complementary parts of who they are, rather than as opposing forces. They begin to recognise that their professional side brings discipline, focus, and the ability to follow through, which can deeply benefit their creative projects. At the same time, their creativity enhances their problem-solving, innovation, and resilience at work. This realisation helps them release the self-judgement that they “should” be one way or the other and instead embrace the richness and complexity of their identity.
By learning to integrate these different aspects, they create space to pursue both sides with authenticity and purpose, allowing each to bring depth and balance to the other. This holistic approach to identity lets them step into a fuller, more aligned version of themselves, empowered by the understanding that they are not confined to one path but are enriched by the intersection of many.
Uncovering Limiting Labels
Many clients carry self-descriptions that have become restrictive, such as “I’m a perfectionist” or “I’m the sensible one.”
By identifying and questioning these labels, clients can explore alternative narratives that offer more room for growth.
For example, a client who identifies as “the fixer” may feel a deep responsibility to solve problems, support others, and step in whenever there’s a crisis. Over time, they may come to realise that this identity brings a sense of purpose, but also a constant pressure to be “on call” for everyone around them.
As “the fixer,” they often jump in immediately, offering solutions and taking on others’ burdens, even at the expense of their own wellbeing. This drive to fix can lead to burnout, strained relationships, and even resentment, as they feel overextended and undervalued.
Through coaching, they begin to explore what it might look like to be a collaborator or a listener instead of the automatic fixer. Together, they discuss how collaboration would allow them to share responsibility rather than shoulder it alone, and how listening could empower others to come up with their own solutions.
The client starts experimenting with these roles—pausing before offering help, asking questions to encourage others’ input, and inviting collaboration rather than immediately stepping into “fix-it” mode.
This shift in perspective opens up new relational dynamics where others feel more engaged and empowered, and where the client is valued for their presence and insight, rather than just their ability to solve problems.
By allowing themselves to step back and explore roles like collaborator or listener, the client finds they can reduce the burnout that comes with being “the fixer” and create healthier, more balanced relationships.
This shift not only lightens their emotional load but also deepens connections with those around them, as they embrace a more supportive, sustainable approach to helping others.
Navigating Identity Shifts with Clients
Life transitions often prompt clients to re-evaluate their identity. Career changes, family shifts, and other major events can create a sense of disorientation, challenging long-held beliefs about the self.
Helping clients navigate these shifts allows them to redefine their identity in alignment with their current values and goals.
When clients are in transition, it can be helpful to normalise feelings of uncertainty and encourage them to embrace this “in-between” phase as an opportunity for growth. By exploring new roles and values, clients can construct an identity that reflects their evolving self.
Human identity is rarely constant and often contains contradictions. Helping clients accept that they can be both confident and insecure, ambitious and content, fosters self-compassion and resilience.
This understanding supports clients in seeing identity as nuanced rather than black-and-white.
Identity as a Relational Construct
Our identity is often relational, shaped by our interactions with others. Family roles, social expectations, and cultural narratives all play a powerful role in shaping how we see ourselves.
In transformative coaching, recognising identity as relational allows clients to explore not only how they perceive themselves in connection to close relationships, but also how they engage with the broader social landscape—including people they may never meet but who influence them profoundly through social media.
Social media often becomes a space where we construct identities we want the world to see. Carefully curated images, selective highlights, and aspirational narratives allow us to present an idealised version of ourselves—“the achiever,” “the adventurer,” “the wellness advocate.”
But as clients work to uphold these digital identities, they can feel pressure to live up to an external image that may only partially reflect who they truly are. This digital self can create a disconnect between how they feel and how they present themselves, leading to internal conflicts, self-judgement, and even imposter syndrome.
Transformative coaching provides a space for clients to reflect on these constructed identities and examine whether they are truly aligned with their values and authentic selves.
By exploring these questions, clients may begin to see where their social media persona feels fulfilling versus where it creates stress or an unsustainable standard. This awareness can help them make conscious choices about how they present themselves to the world, moving toward an expression of self that feels more authentic and manageable.
Through this exploration, clients may also consider which relational shifts they’d like to make—both online and offline. They might decide to present a more balanced, authentic version of themselves on social media, or to limit comparisons with idealised versions of others.
Recognising the relational and often performative nature of identity, clients gain the freedom to step away from external expectations and instead construct a sense of self that feels grounded, flexible, and truly reflective of who they are.
Using a Systemic Lens in Identity Exploration
We’ve noted that identity does not exist in a vacuum; it is inherently shaped by the broader social, cultural, and organisational systems in which we live and interact. Our identities are influenced by a limitless network of external forces—family expectations, cultural values, social norms, media portrayals, and professional environments—all of which subtly (or overtly) shape how we see ourselves.
For clients who are grappling with identity-related questions, taking a systemic approach can offer profound insights into how these external influences have informed, validated, or even constrained their sense of self.
As transformative coaches, we can invite clients to reflect on the cultural, societal, and organisational frameworks that influence their beliefs and self-perceptions. Cultural norms around gender, for example, can deeply affect how clients view their roles and capabilities. A client who has internalised traditional gender expectations might see themselves as a caregiver and find it difficult to prioritise personal ambitions.
Alternatively, socioeconomic status might influence a client’s beliefs about what they deserve or are capable of achieving, sometimes creating invisible barriers to self-worth and possibility. Similarly, workplace culture can shape self-concept, particularly in environments that value certain traits—like assertiveness, competitiveness, or productivity—over others. A client from a workplace that emphasises “hustle culture” may equate their identity with constant productivity, often at the expense of wellbeing.
Coaches can support clients in examining these systemic influences with questions such as:
“How do cultural messages about success or achievement influence the way you see yourself?”
“In what ways does your workplace environment shape how you view your abilities or worth?”
“Are there societal expectations around gender, age, or background that you feel pressured to meet?”
These questions help clients unpack how external forces contribute to their self-concept, revealing which aspects of their identity feel authentic and self-defined versus which may be more externally imposed.
This process allows clients to distinguish between internal desires and socially conditioned expectations, empowering them to make choices that resonate more deeply with their personal values.
Once clients have a clearer understanding of the systemic influences shaping their identity, they can begin to make conscious choices about which aspects they wish to embrace and which they are ready to let go.
For instance, a client who feels pressured by cultural norms around “success” may decide to redefine what success looks like for them, focusing on factors like wellbeing, meaningful relationships, or creative pursuits rather than traditional markers of achievement.
This systemic exploration ultimately empowers clients to move beyond externally imposed identities, embracing a sense of self that feels true to who they are and who they want to become. By identifying which influences are in alignment with their values, clients can reclaim their self-perception and shape an identity that is not only authentic but deeply fulfilling.
Embracing Identity as an Ongoing Journey
One of the most liberating perspectives we can offer clients is to view identity not as a fixed state to be achieved, but as an ongoing, evolving journey.
This approach recognises that our understanding of ourselves—our values, beliefs, interests, and roles—shifts over time as we grow, encounter new experiences, and navigate life’s transitions.
By embracing identity as dynamic and fluid, clients can release the pressure to “arrive” at a perfect or final version of themselves. Instead, they can approach their self-concept with curiosity, openness, and a sense of possibility.
Viewing identity as an evolving journey also fosters resilience. When clients experience changes in their self-perception—whether due to life transitions, new roles, or shifts in their personal beliefs—they’re better equipped to adapt and integrate these changes without feeling a loss of self.
This adaptability is particularly valuable in today’s world, where both personal and professional landscapes are in constant flux. Rather than seeing identity shifts as crises or moments of instability, clients can learn to welcome these changes as part of their growth, recognising that each stage of life brings new insights and dimensions to who they are.
As coaches, we play a vital role in fostering this perspective. We can encourage clients to approach their identity with a sense of self-compassion, reminding them that it’s normal—and even enriching—to feel different over time.
By affirming that it’s okay to let go of labels or roles that no longer serve them, we support clients in exploring new ways of being without self-judgement or guilt. This process allows clients to give themselves permission to evolve, knowing that their identity will continue to unfold and expand as they journey through life.
Ultimately, by embracing identity as an ongoing journey, clients gain a deeper sense of inner freedom. They’re no longer bound by rigid definitions or outdated labels but are free to explore, redefine, and expand who they are in ways that feel authentic and empowering.
This mindset fosters a lifelong openness to growth, allowing clients to navigate each new chapter of life with grace, curiosity, and resilience, knowing that their identity is not a destination, but a rich and dynamic journey.
