We live in an age that expects certainty.
Having strong opinions, taking clear positions, and signalling which side you’re on have become moral imperatives in public and professional life. The pressure to know — to have the right view, the right framework, the right take — is immense.
Even within coaching, a discipline built on curiosity and openness, this pressure seeps in. We are urged to hold the “right” stance on issues and even to help shape a client’s assumptions based one what we have decided is right.
But transformative coaching, at its core, rests on something profoundly countercultural: unknowing.
Unknowing is not ignorance. It is not disengagement or indecision. It is a conscious act — a refusal to impose what we think we know upon the unfolding reality of another person’s experience.
It is the deliberate holding of space where multiple truths can coexist, and something entirely new can emerge.
In a world of relentless certainty, unknowing is a radical act.
The Courage to Unknow
To unknow is to step back from the comfort of conviction. It means bracketing our assumptions, theories, and even moral frameworks long enough to let our client’s world appear on its own terms.
This takes courage. We are trained — culturally, professionally, even psychologically — to assume certain bedrocks of truth. Unknowing asks us to suspend this impulse and trust that curiosity, presence, and silence are enough.
In phenomenological terms, this is epoché: the discipline of setting aside what we think we understand so that we can see afresh. In philosophical terms, it’s epistemic humility — the recognition that our grasp on truth is partial and that the other’s experience is not ours to define.
In coaching terms, it’s the ground from which all genuine transformation grows.
Epistemic Humility: The Ethical Core of Coaching
Epistemic humility is not just an intellectual stance; it’s an ethical one.
It protects the client’s sovereignty over their own meaning-making.
The coach may have knowledge — psychological insight, professional expertise, lived experience — but they do not make this the organising principle of the conversation. Instead, they hold it lightly, using it as background awareness rather than foreground authority.
Epistemic humility allows the coach to:
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Ask without assumption.
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Listen without agenda.
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Challenge without superiority.
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Intervene without claiming ownership of truth.
It is the antidote to the subtle arrogance that can creep into helping relationships — the quiet belief that I know what’s best for you.
When we embody epistemic humility, we recognise that our frameworks are maps, not territories. We coach the person, not the model.
The Temptation of Knowing
Knowing can be seductive.
It feels safe.
It feels professional.
It reassures us that we’re competent and valuable.
It helps us feel we belong.
But in coaching, knowing too quickly can close more doors than it opens.
When we think we know what is right or wrong, good or bad true of false, we stop truly listening. Our questions start to steer, our curiosity begins to narrow, and our presence becomes conditional.
Even at the level of the profession, coaching is increasingly drawn toward positions of knowing — about power, identity, ethics, wellbeing. While these are vital discussions, they carry a risk: that we begin to mistake advocacy for inquiry, and ideology for understanding.
To unknow, then, is not to reject truth, but to resist certainty. It is to create the conditions for dialogue — with the client, with the world, and with ourselves.
The Discomfort of Unknowing
Unknowing is not comfortable work. It can leave both coach and client suspended in ambiguity.
Clients often look to their coach for clarity or direction, and coaches — being human — want to offer it. But growth rarely comes from being told what to think; it comes from discovering new ways of seeing.
In moments of unknowing, something remarkable happens: the coach stops being the authority and becomes the companion. Together, coach and client stand at the edge of understanding, waiting for insight to emerge.
This is where the real alchemy of coaching takes place.
Knowing When to Unknow
Of course, unknowing doesn’t mean abandoning discernment. Coaches do bring knowledge — psychological understanding, ethical grounding, and methodological skill. The mastery lies in knowing when to draw upon it and when to step back.
There are moments when experience offers a vital lens; others when it must be set aside entirely. The art of coaching is this dance between knowing and unknowing — between structure and openness, confidence and humility.
When coaches can inhabit that tension, they model something rare and powerful: the capacity to live without certainty and still act with integrity.
A Radical Act of Freedom
In a culture addicted to being right, unknowing is freedom.
It frees the coach from the burden of expertise.
It frees the client from the weight of judgment.
It frees the conversation to unfold authentically, without the gravitational pull of preconceived answers.
To practise unknowing is to reclaim coaching as a space of genuine encounter — one where curiosity, not conviction, leads the way.
In the end, the most radical thing a coach can do may be to stand, quietly and courageously, in the space of not knowing — trusting that within that space, truth will find its own form.
