In this series, we reflect on the insights shared with us by Animas alumni, drawing out experiences and lessons that may help both practising coaches and those considering becoming a coach.
Managers are often successful in their role because they’re good at solving problems. They know the work, make decisions, spot what is going wrong and help other people move forwards. In many organisations this is the expectation – someone brings you a problem, and your job is to help fix it.
Animas alum Matthew Ibbs, for example, spent years working in management before coaching began to change his understanding of what useful leadership could look like. He now works as an executive coach in the games industry, but his interest in coaching began much earlier, when a management training course introduced him to active listening. The idea was simple enough: if you really listen to the person in front of you, rather than immediately deciding what they need, the quality of the working relationship changes.
It was an idea that stayed with him. If the manager is always the person generating the solution, the manager becomes the bottleneck. If other people are given the space to think through their own challenges, they are more likely to take ownership of what happens next.
For many managers, though, stepping back can be surprisingly difficult.
When being helpful means having the answer
Often, having the answer is exactly what leadership requires. Someone asks a question and we answer it. Something is going wrong and we intervene. A team member is unsure, so we give them direction.The problem comes when answering becomes the default response to almost every situation. A manager can gradually train people to bring problems upwards rather than develop their own judgement.
Coaching introduces a different possibility. Instead of immediately solving the problem, the manager can create enough space for the other person to work with it themselves. That may sound simple, but in practice it requires a surprising amount of restraint.
Matthew describes one of the most significant changes from his coach training as learning stillness: being able to quiet his own mind, listen properly and hold space for another person. He began applying that not only in formal coaching conversations but also with his direct reports and in other areas of working life.
The shift was about becoming less concerned with his own contribution to the conversation, and more attentive to the thinking happening in front of him.
Listening while preparing an answer is not quite listening
Most of us can recognise the experience of listening while simultaneously preparing what we’re going to say next. Managers may be especially prone to it because their role often requires them to make sense of information quickly. While the other person is speaking, part of the mind is already diagnosing the problem and preparing a response.
That can be useful, but it can also limit what we hear. The person may not need our interpretation yet because they may still be forming their own. If we move in too early, we can interrupt a train of thought that could have developed into a solution. This may actually involve considerable discipline: resisting interruption, tolerating silence and trusting that the other person’s thinking does not need to be improved immediately.
For managers, this can feel counterintuitive because visible activity is often associated with value. Giving advice looks useful. Making a decision looks decisive. Remaining quiet while another person thinks can feel as though we are withholding help, yet there are conversations in which saying less is precisely what allows more thinking and growth to happen.
The difference between leadership and coaching
None of this means managers should stop managing. There are moments when a leader needs to decide, direct, clarify expectations or share expertise. A coaching approach becomes unhelpful if it turns every straightforward request into a reflective exercise. Some problems require instruction. Others require the person to develop judgement, confidence or ownership.
Matthew’s experience is interesting precisely because coaching didn’t simply replace management. He could still bring expertise where it mattered, but he had also developed another way of working with people, one that placed more responsibility for thinking back with them.
That can have consequences beyond the individual conversation. When people become accustomed to thinking through their own challenges, they’re less dependent on managerial approval and more able to exercise judgement. The manager, meanwhile, has a better chance of escaping the exhausting position of being the answer to everything.
Why saying less can feel risky
Being the person with the answer can feel validating because it confirms our expertise and reinforces the role we’ve been given. For managers who have built their careers on knowledge and competence, stepping back can feel as though they’re failing to contribute.
Allowing space for someone to come up with their own solution can create uncertainty. Will they make poor decisions that create bigger issues? Coaching asks the manager to tolerate some of that uncertainty without turning it into premature intervention. That doesn’t mean withholding useful knowledge, simply noticing the impulse to step in and asking whether intervention is genuinely needed.
Sometimes the manager’s answer will save time, and there’s no benefit in making someone struggle with something unnecessarily. At other times, though, the quick answer may solve the immediate issue while creating another future dependency. The longer-term value of coaching-informed management lies partly in recognising that developing someone’s capacity can be more useful than resolving every problem for them.
Stillness as a leadership skill
Stillness is not something we usually associate with management. Leadership language tends to favour action, pace and momentum. Yet the ability to pause, listen and resist filling every available space can be a form of leadership in its own right.
It creates room for information that might otherwise never surface. A team member may think more creatively if they don’t feel they are being rushed towards the manager’s solution. A person may discover that they’re more capable of resolving the problem than they assumed. Giving more space changes where the activity happens. Instead of doing the thinking for the other person, the manager is creating the conditions that make better thinking possible.
When the manager stops being the answer
There’s an appeal in being known as the person who can fix things. It feels valuable, and sometimes it genuinely is valuable. But a manager who is always needed to provide the answer can eventually become trapped by their own usefulness, and unintentionally disempower their team.
A coaching approach asks managers to become more discerning about what kind of help is actually needed in the moment. Sometimes what’s needed is expertise, sometimes it is clarity or direction, and sometimes it is the discipline to listen for longer, say less, and trust that another person may be capable of thinking their way somewhere useful if we don’t jump in first.
